Green Dating: Attract Environmentally Friendly Singles Just Like You!

Chances are if you are reading this article you fall into a sub-group known as the eco-sexuals. You do your part to keep the planet in good health. You care about your body, spirit, the environment and have a particular diet or lifestyle which you have made not just for health reasons but for ethical ones. Your life is in balance, the time is right, but perhaps you just haven’t found that special someone to share it with.

The dating scene is difficult: this one smokes or that one likes hamburgers, or heaven forbid you find out late into dinner, they are a Republican! You are weary from the search and ready to give your all. Perhaps you have already run the course of love with someone who didn’t think the same as you do on matters such as diet or conservation. Perhaps it drove you to separation or divorce.
Why not be picky this time? If you like doing outdoor activities or political activism, love animals and don’t eat them or use their products, if you believe in conservation, you may want to narrow the scope a bit. Did you know of those that consider themselves vegetarian, only 4% of those people are vegan? Makes meeting another vegan very difficult. With such strict dietary requirements wouldn’t it be nice to have a friend or partner on your wavelength to share ideas and meals with?

Don’t despair. There are online dating services geared toward green-living folks like you! By beginning with the simple expectation of new friendship, you can make connections with like-minded individuals and expect some interesting conversation with people around the globe.

For this article, I decided it was especially important to practice before I preached, so I joined a few green dating websites. And then the dread hit me immediately: The online dating experience is sort of akin to the stages of grief.

The first stage is when you decide to peruse the profiles out there. This can be done for free, no obligation to join. You experience a combination of disbelief, anger or self doubt. You say to yourself, “I can’t believe it has come to this. What about the romance of chance? Has dating turned into EBAY, for crying out loud? What ever happened to meeting someone face to face, the universe aligning the stars so the convergence can happen? Am I so inept I can no longer just meet people and be sociable, must I order from a catalog?”

Perhaps these statistics will be encouraging. According to her online article for MSN.com, Meredith Broussard found these facts about the world of dating:

• 44% of adult Americans are single –or over 100 million available partners.
• Of this only two percent of men and nine percent of women have found their loves at the bar. She recommends Starbucks as an alternative.
• 63% of married couples meet through a network of friends, but 40% or 40 million people meet through online dating services.

The second stage is bargaining. “Okay I’ll try this, but I won’t like it. This seems stupid and desperate, but I am sick of my mother and friends bothering me to give it a try. How many times can I have that conversation?” And as you scroll though, one profile catches your eye. So you make a bargain. “Well they don’t seem so bad. Maybe I’d err…umm…like to write them.” You need to join in order to make contact with anyone on the website, and so you do, but “just on a limited time basis,” you reassure yourself. Many of the websites give you either free trial time or profile viewing capabilities, so you can participate with no obligation to pay unless you like so this makes it easier to dive into the process.

The third stage is a mixture of fascination and embarrassment. You begin to write your profile, wondering if this stuff really will work and how to describe yourself and what you are looking for without sounding desperate or cheesy.
To get you in the proper frame of mind, London based hypnotist, Tanya Haden Tebb, recommends in her e-book about dating and relationships, How To Attract Men-The Goddess Secrets, to get right with yourself first. She recommends taking the time to look at your self in the mirror. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, see yourself positively, love your attributes and bless them rather than focusing on your faults. She also suggests making a “man (or woman) map.” By getting the reader to list not only what attributes they want out of a partner, but also planting key words to the unconscious like, “I will know my special someone when they say this to me…” Haden Tebb says the implication to the unconscious helps one to manifest this person because of your own clarity. To read more go to www.How-To-Attract-Men.com

Green singles is run by long-time couple, Mary and Alan Shulman. It began as a newsletter in 1985 and has grown about 20 percent every year in the last three years alone. They have a high success rate of matching people with special interest which makes it hard for them to meet others with similar interests otherwise. Both hetero and homosexuals can post profiles. This list matches where their members’ interests lie:

• The earth, ecology & environment
• Peace, social justice, & equal rights for humans and animals
• Natural living & alternative medicine
• Vegetarian, organic & other healthy lifestyles
• Spirituality & personal growth
• Nature/outdoor activities
• Theatre, music & the arts
• Holistic & new age philosophies
• Green politics and world events

http://www.greensingles.com or their offshoot site, http://www.veggielove.com, (just for vegetarians and vegans) allows you to post your profile for free. You pay for contact credits, ($12 for three to begin with,) or pay for full membership in 3 month installments, (the first quarter is $24.)

Earth wise singles, http://www.ewsingles.com is another international green-dating site. It costs $14.95 for three months of membership but you can look at profiles for free.

http://www.loveisgreen.org offers searches that include polyamorous affairs for homo and heterosexuals as well.

With any on-line dating be prepared to be contacted by people who won’t match what you’re looking for—maybe even comically or horrifically so. Be nice. It’s better to respond with a “no thanks” than nothing at all. After all, people are putting themselves out there, just as vulnerably as you and courtesy makes for better karma. And don’t let this discourage you. There are many people who are members for a long time before finding their special someone, just as there are those who fall in love with the first contact they make. Member “Paul” from Green Singles writes:

I have had my profile on the site for several years. Although I met many interesting women and had some wonderful times, nothing really gelled until lately. When Pam and I met, it wasn’t love at first sight, it took about 30 seconds. We both felt that we had known each other in another life and the attraction was total. We married after knowing each other a few weeks and neither of us had done so before. She is now moving from Vermont to be with me in Canada. There is plenty of room for her horses here and she is delighted to be out of the US and in a gentler less crazy place. –Paul

One of the great things about the sites, and the experience in general, is if you widen your search, keep an open mind, you can indeed meet interesting people from all over the world. And there is something to be said in getting to know a person first through correspondences, something old-fashioned and surprisingly romantic. It takes courage to post a profile, and even more courage to contact someone whose profile you like.

If you discover you are kindred spirits, there is an excitement in sending and receiving messages and essentially starting on the foot of friendship first, as opposed to mere physical attraction. The chase can be more seductive through letters and listening to someone’s voice over the phone. Fantasy life can be extra fulfilling because one begins to believe anything can happen as you imagine, “This could be the one!”

I asked one contact In CA what attracted him to a green dating service he said:

In my marriage my wife and I drifted apart. We discovered we wanted and cared about different things. She was focused on materialistic pursuits, always getting more, whereas I care deeply about the planet and improving life, not just for myself but for the entire planet. I am sick of being set up for blind dates, you never know what you’re going to get, so I decided this time I would like to get to know like-minded individuals who share the same interests I do. After all, sexual attraction eventually fades and then you’re left sitting on the clock, so it may as well be with someone you really have a lot in common with, with whom you can share a more multi-faceted life.

Another contact said he took a marketing approach to online dating, (not in his profile but in choosing a website [greensingles.com]) He wrote:

Certain sites seem to appeal to certain segments of people and this seemed the best fit in that many of the women seemed healthy and strong in who they are and their outlook, so [its] a good place to start.

Indeed these sites are good places to start. The last stage of the process is acceptance. You become okay with putting yourself out there again, the laughs and rewards well worth it.